Best Time for Sex?

Lowbrow Answer: Night
Boooooring. You cant' see shit, you're exhausted from the menial job you work, and everyone else in your tiny apartment is quietly sleeping. Having sex at night is like asking Picasso to paint your house; sure, he could do it, but your wasting his potential.

The real issue here is that nighttime sex generally means that the bonesawing is happening in a bed, which is the most boring possible place for it. Come on, you're young and foolish, what are you doing? Go out into the world! Defile a theatre or a Suburu or the playground of a daycare center. Live, man!


Middlebrow Answer: Morning
There are few things better than waking up with some of your manbits in somebody else's mouth, if you understand me. It's like nature's alarm clock. You've probably also got some raging morning wood going here, so there's none of the usual foreplay shenanigans. Just get right to it!

The problem with this one is that the day is waiting for you. As much fun as you're having dressing your girlfriend up like a 14th century Prussian Nun and having her talk dirty to you about the impending Flemish invasion, you both know in the back of your minds that you're only 40 minutes away from being in an office for twelve hours. Buzzkill.

Highbrow Answer: Afternoon
Jackpot. You're awake, you're energized, and you've got all the time in the world to dress up like Mork and Mindy and chase each other around the house. Spice it up by ordering a pizza and answering the door naked.

The best part about the afternoon is that most other people are doing normal things like laundry or taxes while you have you're balls deep in a loved one. Afternoon sex gives you the wonderful opportunity to answer a phone call from your mom while your girlfriend is sitting on your face.