Lowbrow Answer: The HillsI'm not even sure this qualifies as a reality show, as I'm positive there's some fat producer named Larry just off-screen yelling things like, "Can you maybe slap her?" or "Audrina, we can't see enough of your tits in this shot" at the girls during filming. Either way, it has to be the most inane program ever created. Congratulations, California educational system. You've managed to produce a whole generation of twenty-somethings that thinks, talks, and reads at a fourth grade level.
And how are they all so rich? If these are the people in America with all the money, no wonder we're in a recession. Hey, Obama, I've got an idea to fix the economy. Round up anybody who has ever been on this show, feed them to a pack of rabid wolverines, and then disperse their assests to the lower classes. Be sure to cut their hair off first; we wouldn't want all that bleach and dye upsetting the wolverines' digestive systems.
Middlebrow Answer: The Real WorldThis, the first real reality show on television, hit the airwaves in 1992 and has been on ever since. It started strong. Remember the one in San Francisco with Judd and Puck and Pedro? Remember when Pedro got AIDS and the others had to deal with it? That shit was heavy. I thought AIDS were some kind of chewable vitamins before that.
Since then, the producers of the show have fucked it all up. Damn you, Mary-Ellis Bunim. Your original concept was so good, but you've gone and substituted interesting people with ex-frat and sorority morons and replaced actual dramatic situations with drunken hot tub hookups. You can take your stupid hyphenate name and go right to-hell.
Highbrow Answer: JackassThey introduce a segment called "Poop in a Cup," and then they poop in a cup. And you watch. And you love it. They don't fuck around with theme or character or story arc; they just do twisted shit and film it. It's genius. Theodor Adorno would be so proud.
It's like how E.E. Cummings didn't bother with capitalization or how Henry Miller ignored traditional paragraph formatting. True artists know not to cloud their message with unnecessary bullshit like plot or punctuation. Just get to the heart of it. We wanted to see somebody poop in a cup and you gave it to us. God bless you, Johnny Knoxville.
If you think any of the idiots on the Hills spent a minute in the public educational system, you're fucking crazy. Those bitches went to schools so private that I bet the teachers had to be driven there blindfolded every morning.
ReplyDeleteFact: I have never seen one episode of any of those shows.
ReplyDeleteActually, David, if you had watched 'Laguna Beach' like any good American citizen, you'd know that Lauren did, in fact, attend a public high school.
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