Lowbrow Answer: Zues (Jupiter)This guy's an ass. He's moody, pissy, and easily angered. And with those thunderbolts, he's basically a walking advertisement for Gatorade. Lame.
He also sleeps with all sorts of commoners, which creates weird demi-gods like Hercules and Electra. Come on, Big Z. You're the king. You can't be sleeping with proletariat trash: it thins the bloodline.
Middlebrow Answer: Hephaestus (Vulcan)He's the blacksmith for all the gods, which is pretty awesome. It's like being the guy who cuts the canvases for Picasso or the chick who fluffs Ron Jeremy. He's also the god of volcanoes, technology, and fire. Rad, I know.
All that being said, he's not as great as he sounds. His parents were Zeus and Hera, which means he was probably a spoiled brat growing up. He also had a club foot and was married to a woman who didn't love him. Aphrodite, you bitch.
Highbrow Answer: Hades (Pluto)This dude runs the underworld. He is stern and pitiless, deaf to prayer or flattery, and sacrifice to him is of no avail. He's married to Persephone and even other gods are terrified of him. Hmm, I'm thinking of a word. It starts with "B" and rhymes with "fladass."
Still not convinced? His dog, Cerberus, is a three-headed hellhound that guards the gates of the underworld. Your dog, Champ, is an annoying golden retreiver that pees on the carpet whenever company comes over. No contest.
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