Best Peak of The Seven Summits?

Lowbrow Answer: Mt. Kilimanjaro (Africa)
I can think of only three people I know who have climbed this mountain. One is a 55-year-old retired florist, and the other two are the most annoying and nonathletic father/daughter team in history. In other words, this mountain is the Britney Spears of the seven summits: Anyone can do it.

And what's with the name? Apparently, it breaks down as Kilima, which is Swahili for "hill" or "little mountain" and Njaro, meaning "caravan." So let me get this straight. This is the tallest mountain on the continent, and the natives call it "Little Caravan?" Wussy. I bet the other mountains beat the shit out of Kilimanjaro behind Seven Summit High School.


Middlebrow Answer: Mt. Everest (Asia)
Yeah, okay, it's the tallest. But remember. It's not how long your penis is, it's what you do with it. And Everest isn't making anybody cum, if you understand my metaphor. It's too overexposed. Nobody wants to have sex with Ron Jeremy anymore, you know?

Plus, if you find yourself on Everest, you've probably got 87 Sherpas nearby, helping you poop and brush your teeth at high altitude, and chances are that Jon Krakauer is following you. But hey. It IS the tallest.

Highbrow Answer: Denali (North America)
Now THIS is a mountain. No lame translations here: "Denali" is the local name for the mountain, meaning "The Great One." Bad ass. It also requires a larger vertical climb than Everest because it's base isn't on a plateau. Suck on that, Krakauer.

Because of its latitude, this mountain is fucking cold. Temperatures as low as −75.5 °F and windchills as low as −118.1 °F have been recorded on the slopes. So. To recap: more climbing than Everest, better name, and cold as shit. Denali reminds me of Kevin Spacey in "The Usual Suspects:" It's quiet and goes unnoticed until you try to fuck with it. Then it kills you.