Thursday, May 28, 2009

Best Historical African Flag?

Lowbrow Answer: Lesotho (in use 1989 - 2006)
This thing looks like it could be the flag on the 12th hole at Augusta National Golf Course. I can just picture a group of overweight white bankers shitting themselves when they step off the plane in Lesotho and realize that it's a war-torn and AIDS-infested African country and not a massive golf resort.

And what's the deal with the crest? It looks like they've stabbed a penguin and stretched its skin out on a cutting board. That's the image you've chosen to represent your country? A flayed penguin? You bastards. I'm surprised Antarctica hasn't declared war on you just on principle.


Middlebrow Answer: Tunisia (in use 1574–1831)
Okay, the weird design is sort of cool. I like flags that aren't rectangles. I think more countries should do it. America could change our flag into the shape of a big hand giving the middle finger. Or maybe a cross. Either one would be accurate.

Other than the shape, however, this flag is boring as shit. Blue, red, and green technicolor stripes. It feels like it was designed with something that has an 8-bit video card, like the original Nintendo. I can just imagine this flag flying over Bowser's castle.


Highbrow Answer: Mozambique (in use 1975 - 1983)
Here's a flag that doesn't fuck around. Let's put an AK47 right on there. With a bayonet. None of this symbolic bullshit. This country was forged in blood and that's how it's always going to be. No use hiding it. I appreciate the honesty, Mozambique. Full highbrow points awarded.

Just imagine if other countries were as truthful with their flags:

Iceland - A small picture of the island sinking back into the ocean.
Saudi Arabia - An oil derrick.
China - A group of Tibetan monks bound in chains.
Ireland - A drunk leprechaun passed out on the street outside the Guinness factory.
USA - Uncle Sam sucking on the King of Saudi Arabia's balls.

No comments:

Post a Comment