Best Fashion Designer?

Lowbrow Answer: Prada
I thought the point of high fashion was that it's exclusive. Everyone I know has something by Prada. My little 7-year-old cousins have wallets, my sister-in-law has a bracelet, and I'm pretty sure my neighbors use a Prada purse as a pooper-scooper for their beagle.

And "The Devil Wears Prada?" Really? If you're going to attach your name to a film, you attach it to a surrealist Danish movie directed by Lars Von Trier and starring three French actors you've never heard of. You don't attach it to a dumb American film starring Anne Hathaway and Stanley Tucci. Are you insane? That's like sponsoring a basketball team and picking the Clippers.


Middlebrow Answer: Armani
He made all the suits for Christian Bale in "The Dark Knight." He was the first designer to ban models with a body mass index less than 18, in an effort to curb Anorexia. He has twice designed the jerseys for the English national soccer team.

Of course, he's also started opening restaurants with his name all over them. And he teamed up with Samsung to make a cell phone with his logo. Armani is like that annoying cousin that we all have. You know the one. He's always eating melted Snickers bars and he smells like pee. And you want to like him, but for every thing he does that's cool, there are three things he does that aren't.


Highbrow Answer: Valentino
If you're having a party to celebrate the anniversary of 45 years of your work and you hold that party at the Temple of Venus in Rome (built in 135 A.D.), then you can be highbrow. Until then, go back to Chuck 'E' Cheese and play your stupid ski-ball. Oh, and no big deal, but there's a color named after this guy. Like, a color in the spectrum. Called rosso Valentino. The only thing with your name on it is that terrible drawing of a moose you did in 2nd grade that still hangs on your mom's fridge.

Basically, here's the analogy. Valentino:Modern Couture Fashion :: God:Existence. Except God dresses like shit. Cut that beard and ditch the white robe. Get yourself an Italian suit, for Christ's sake. (Get it? "Christ's" sake? I'm hilarious)