Best Cereal Mascot?

Lowbrow Answer: The "Me Want Honeycomb" Furball
This little guy is the cartoon version of Kid Rock. On four kilos of methamphetamine. And with no legs. This is what happens when you let rednecks inbreed. I bet half the children in Arkansas will look like this by 2090.

This thing doesn't even speak proper English. "Me Want Honeycomb?" You sound like a five-year-old who's been huffing Elmer's all morning. Get a haircut and get a real job. Uneducated swine.


Middlebrow Answer: Snap, Crackle, and Pop
You know these dudes have a swinging bachelor pad somewhere. They get off work, hit a club or two, and then get hammered and pick fights with the Keebler Elves. They're the cereal version of the Hanson Brothers. The Hockey ones, not the singing ones.

That being said, their cereal is boring and their clothes are ridiculous. Who the hell dressed you? You look like backup dancers for Rosie O'Donnell.


Highbrow Answer: Count Chocula
Now this is class. Look at that suit. That, my friends, is fine Venetian silk with an Armani tuxedo shirt and custom-cut collar. And who rocks brown anymore? Count Chocula, motherfuckers, that's who. Brad Pitt couldn't even pull off this look.

Have you ever watched one of this dude's commercials? Check him out here. What a badass. His basement is full of cereal treasure and all he's got guarding it is a dopey spider. Why? Because would you fuck with Count Chocula's treasure? I didn't think so. Now sit down and shut up.