Best Band with a Number in its name?

Lowbrow Answer: Blink 182
You named your fourth album "Take off your Pants and Jacket." Really? You're using the punchline of a joke I heard in 5th grade as an album title? Jesus. It wasn't even funny back then. I'm pretty sure the dudes in Blink 182 are just three guys from middle school detention that somebody gave guitars to.

Have you ever heard these little terds play live? Or, should I say, have you ever heard these little terds TRY to play live? Good lord. Guys, I know you've sold like 40 million records, but maybe take a music lesson. Or thirty. See, there are these things called 'tuning' and 'rhythm' that I think it would be super helpful for you to figure out.


Middlebrow Answer: U2
If you forget that Bono can't sing anymore and forget that The Edge is probably balding underneath that little beanie hat and forget that their stage looks like some sort of massive robotic sex toy and forget that they could have replaced the drummer six times by now and nobody would have noticed and forget that some of their songs sound like weird versions of the 'Matlock' theme, then you realize: U2 are fucking good.

'Sunday Bloody Sunday' rocked my face off when I first heard it. The song literally climbed onto my face and had sex with my ears. And god, was it good. And 'Where the Streets Have No Name' is like the greatest tune ever written. It makes ANYTHING feel epic. You could put it underneath a Preparation H commercial and I'd wish that I had hemorrhoids. Barry Manilow could cover it and I'd want to do him. In his butt.


Highbrow Answer: Nine Inch Nails
These guys are so epic that they spell their number out. And I'm always going to support a band who references the death of Christ in their name. It's like how I'll always go home with a girl who tells me she can tie a knot in a cherry stem with her tongue. It's a sure thing that you'll have a good time.

Nine Inch Nails are incredible. They play slow, fast, hard, soft, rock, classical, whatever. Trent Reznor could switch to the bassoon and I'm sure it would sound amazing. He could record himself plucking his own testicle hair and I'd by the album. Plus, come on, how are you going to argue with a guy who has worked with David Lynch. David Lynch is to awesomeness as God is to the world.