Best Form of Marriage?

Lowbrow Answer: Polygamy
There are two kinds of men who actually believe in polygamy: Mormons and douchebags. And I'm not really a fan of either. The Mormons think they should have 80 wives because Jesus told them it was a good idea (crazy...) and the douchebags think they should have 80 wives because their raw sexuality it just too potent to be contained in only one vagina (douchey...). Either way, I think most of these men deserve a bazooka circumcision.

Polygamy is too easy. It robs you of all the depression and despair that comes with having one partner your whole life. Who wants that? All of the greatest art was created in the throws of depression or despair. If you have 80 different pairs of boobs to play with, how are you expected to create anything highbrow or intellectual?


Middlebrow Answer: Monogamy
On one hand, a monogamous relationship can be an amazing, fulfilling union. You form an unbreakable bond with your lover. You know their thoughts before they do. You go everywhere together, do everything together, you experience life as one unit.

On the other hand, booooooooring. People are lame, selfish, annoying creatures. Why would you want to live with one on a permanent basis? Or marry one? Or have kids with one?! Ugh. Stab me in the heart with a rotting pickle before that happens. (Mmmmm...pickles)


Highbrow Answer: Polyandry
Polyandry is when one woman has several husbands. Hot. Shit. Polyandry was made famous by this little group of Greeks - you may have heard of them - they're called THE SPARTANS. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't mess the Spartans. They'll send 300 of their best soldiers to your front door to kill all of your battle elephants and war rhinos.

Polyandry is great because it completely eliminates the male ego. Fuck the male ego. It's the reason we have nuclear war, rape, genocide, and the Transformer movies. Just imagine if women ran the world. Everything would be cleaner, we'd have fresh brownies every morning, and we wouldn't be spending all our money on our military when our schools are falling apart.