Lowbrow Answer: The Phantom MenaceGood lord, what a mess. Did George Lucas just take a dump onto his keyboard and then film whatever came out in Microsoft Word? Actually, that probably would have been an avante-gard masterpiece. This is something worse. Something unholy. This movie is like that weird guy you see in church who spends all his free time jerking off to the Old Testament. It just ain't right.
And where the hell did we get this kid? Is his hair long to cover the lobotomy scars? I think you would have gotten a better performance if you had literally just hired somebody off the street and had them read from the script on camera.
And where the hell did we get this kid? Is his hair long to cover the lobotomy scars? I think you would have gotten a better performance if you had literally just hired somebody off the street and had them read from the script on camera.
Middlebrow Answer: Revenge of the SithI'm on board with any film that features multiple infanticides. Kids are annoying anyway. Always wiping their boogers on my furniture and breaking my windows with their baseballs. Can't we just send the children of America to some kind of distant island compound until they turn 11? Then maybe we wouldn't have so many illiterate, 9-year-old fatties in our middle-schools.
Although, this whole movie is ruined by one single moment. Can you guess what it is? Of course you can. It's this. Are you kidding me, Lucas? I've seen better dramatic moments from the woman selling Onyx Vagina Bracelets on QVC. Kill yourself.
Highbrow: District 9Man, this movie was fucking awesome. Right? Back me up on this one. Best film of 2009, if you ask me. What's that? What's that you say? "District 9" isn't one of the new Star Wars movies? Oh. Huh. That makes sense. I wondered how it was so good when all the others were so bad.
What happened, George Lucas. Your entire prequel trilogy sank like poor immigrants on the Titanic. There is literally not one good scene or moment in any of the new films. Except maybe Natalie Portman's midriff in the second one. Although, it's not like I'll ever get to touch that anyway. Do I really want to stare at the unattainable? It'd be like watching porn after both my hands were cut off. (Get it? That's a masturbation joke.)
Great to see you back! Our proletariat was thirsting for your directives while the Venezuelan oligarchy steadily encroached upon our revolutionary agenda. Let me know when you are free to receive a complimentary shipment of our finest petroleum oil ( if you reply soon I'll throw in an honorary PhD. from Universidad de Cuba, and our current reigning Miss Universe for the night).
ReplyDeletePatria, Socialismo o Muerte!
Com. Gen. H.C.