Lowbrow Answer: QuarterbackThe guy spends the whole game with his hands in some fat dude's butt while a man in a skybox tells him what to do through his little radio helmet. Accepting advice from some dude in the heavens? Sounds like religion to me: Low. Brow.
And when the other team hits him, he's "sacked?" Hmm, where have I've heard that term before. Oh right, it's when I slap my nuts on somebody's forehead while they're asleep. Feel the wrath of my teabagging, Tom Brady!
Middlebrow Answer: SafetyThe safety has to have the speed of wide receiver and the aggressiveness of a linebacker. Needless to say, he's a skilled and versatile tradesman. He's like a 16th century plumber: He's not running the city, but shit would get bad without him.
That being said, he still has to chase other dudes around all day and, if he's playing against somebody good, will often get beat like he stole something. The upper class does not get beat publicly. They do it privately, and it's administered by a mistress.
Highbrow Answer: Field Goal KickerWhen the game is on the line and you need a few points to win, who are you going to trust? The backs? The wide receivers? No, you're going to call this guy. Because he's precise and he's got nerves of steel. Everyone else does all the work to set him up, and he just hammers it home. Sounds pretty typically highbrow to me.
And he doesn't get tackled because he's too good for that shit. He doesn't want his uniform to be sullied by the proles. Classy.
I think like 85% of your Highbrow Answers should be in the category "Seemingly Highbrow Answer that is Actually Lowbrow."
ReplyDeleteThe field goal kicker doesn't get his uniform sullied by the proles? That makes him lame, and totally lowbrow to not know that, in the end, everyone ends up covered in dirt. The free safety might actually be the Highbrow Answer, since his position is elegant, athletic, and tactical - and every once in a while, he hits a guy so hard that the dude's helmet flies off.