Best Thing to Take to a Rock Concert?

Lowbrow Answer: A Camera
I have an idea. Let's go to a concert and spend the whole time taking grainy, out-of-focus pictures of the band from 400 yards away. We can also shoot some shitty lo-fi video on your iPhone. Then we can post it all on Facebook and prove to our friends that we were there. Because I'm sure they didn't believe us when we said, "We're going to a concert tonight" and showed them the tickets.

Is everyone at rock shows besides me an idiot? You want pictures of the band, go online. I guarantee you they're better than whatever shitty photos you take. You want video, buy a DVD. You'll see more angles and hear more sound, I promise. What the fuck is the point of going to a concert if you aren't going to focus on enjoying yourself? Taking a camera to a rock show is like hiking Mount Everest and spending the whole trip reading "Into Thin Air." What are you doing?


Middlebrow Answer: An old t-shirt of the band you're seeing
People complain about this one, but it's not as bad as you think. You'd wear a Patriots jersey to a football game, why not rock a t-shirt of the band you're seeing? Plus it's pretty awesome if you have some old stuff. I saw Marilyn Manson last night and one dude rocked a t-shirt from 1992 and it was cool. The dude was lame, but I have to admit that his t-shirt was old school and awesome.

Then again, this is as bad as you think. You bought tickets to the show. Of course you like the band. Do you really have to wear a t-shirt to prove it? That's like writing "I like sex" on your chest in magic marker before you get into bed with your girlfriend. I'm sure Marilyn Manson knows you're a fan when he spits on you from the stage and you rub it all over your face; you don't need to be wearing a t-shirt as extra proof.

Like Marilyn Manson? There's more of him here.


Highbrow Answer: Nothing
Remember when people used to go to concerts to actually see the band? Like, to focus on the music and get a chance to see their favorite musicians live? When they were more concerned with enjoying the show than with proving to their friends that they were there? Yeah, I don't really remember that time either. Must have been before I was born, because every show I've ever been to has been crammed full of idiot teenagers endless snapping camera-phone pictures and updating their twitter accounts after every song. Kill me.

It seems to me that in the last ten years or so, people have become more interested in recording an event than actually experiencing it. You go on vacation to the Grand Canyon and spend the whole time taking pictures of it. You go to a soccer game and spend the whole match updating your status on facebook. Just enjoy it yourself. Be selfish. You paid for the tickets, so watch the game. You're at the Grand Canyon, you dumb motherfucker. It's one of the most amazing places on EARTH. How about you actually SEE IT.

Best Band Logo With an Animal in it?

Lowbrow Answer: The Radiohead Bear
See, it's like an evil Mickey Mouse. Do you get it? It's meant to symbolize the shallow and dangerous nature of major synergistic corporations like Disney who are slowly pillaging both the economic and cultural values of today's post-modern capitalist society, blah, blah, blah, the raindrops, the raindrops, the raindrops.

The problem with this one is that it's trying too hard. I hate knowing that the band paid a phat amount of money for some graphic artist just to doodle a teddy bear with fangs. Hey Thom Yorke, I just took a dump on my ex-girlfriend's pillow. You want a picture of it? It can be on the cover of your next album.


Middlebrow Answer: The Deftones Horse
Horses are money. They are super fast, very tall, and can jump over shit. They're basically the animal version of Lebron James. The nice thing about this logo is that it's subtle. The horse is in sillouhette and the name of the band is in all-lowercase letters. ee cummings used to print his name in all-lowercase as a sign of humility to those who were reading his work. Bad. Ass.

Oh wait, actually, horses are sort of lame. They're like sissy, anorexic versions of bison. Plus only very rich people can afford to own them, which means whenever you see a horse, it's likely to have a douchebag riding on top of it.


Highbrow Answer: The Marilyn Manson Mouse
This thing is terrifying and silly all at the same time. It's a knockoff of the Third Reich's SS logo, for those of you playing at home. Thematically, Manson's mock portrayal of fascism and Nazi imagery is reminiscent of Charlie Chaplin's highly controversial film, "The Great Dictator," which is hot shit. Chaplin is a legend. You can suck it, 1950's Communist Tribunals.

I can hear some of you asking, "Why is this logo highbrow and the Radiohead Bear isn't, even though they both look pretty similar?" Good question, my friends. The answer is simple. The Manson logo is a cracked human skull and crossbones that subtly satirizes both the most infamous totalitarian leader to ever live as well as this country's largest producer of mass-consumed childrens' entertainment. The Radiohead logo is a happy teddy bear with googly eyes. Now shut up and stop asking questions.