Best Female X-Man?

Like X-Men? Check out the male version of this post here.

Lowbrow Answer: Jubilee
Jubilee's super powers blow. She basically shoots fireworks from her hands. I could get the same effect by sticking Roman candles in my sleeves. Waa-hoo. What a hero. Jubilee's full name is Jubilation Lee, which to me sounds like a Southern rock band. I can just picture them opening for Lynryd Skynyrd in 1975.

The most annoying thing about Jubilee is what a brat she is. You're a super hero. People depend on you. You can't get upset every time you hair's a mess or your pants are wrinkled. Sabretooth is bashing Wolverine with a telephone pole and you're crying because your jacket got stained at dinner. No wonder they left you out of the movies. Whiny bitch.


Middlebrow Answer: Storm
You can't really argue with somebody who can control the weather. Just imagine it. Having an outdoor wedding and need some sunshine? Done. Want to go sledding? Done. Want to use a tornado to wipe out your ex-boyfriend and his new lady? Done. You're basically God in hot, Egpytian girl form.

Storm does get on my nerves though. She always talks like she's performing in a community theatre version of Macbeth: "Winds! I command you to do my bidding!" It's like, yeah, Storm, we can see that. Just shut up and do it already. Also, am I wrong in thinking that nearly every problem the X-Men face could be solved in one fell swoop by Storm? She CONTROLS THE WEATHER for christ's sake. She should get off her ass and help out a bit more.


Highbrow Answer: Kitty Pryde
She's verile, she's hot, and she isn't annoying. What more do you want? Kitty Pryde's mutant power is called "phasing," which basically means that she can make her body or objects with which she is in contact intangible. Umm, awesome. I want to start dating her so that we can sneak around together and steal things from people we don't like.

Kitty Pryde's place as a cultural icon cannot be underestimated. She was played by Ellen Page in the movie, which is radical. She's also immortalized in the Weezer song, "In the Garage." And we're not talking about the "Beverly Hills," lame-ass douchebag version of Weezer. We're talking about the epically awesome, Blue Album version of Weezer. Oh, Rivers Cuomo, where did it all go wrong?