Best U.S. Monument?

Lowbrow Answer: Mount Rushmore
South Dakota? What the hell is in South Dakota? That state is full of nothing by gun-toting republican militias and a varied assortment of wild bears, neither of which is too excited about the American government. Putting a monument to former U.S. Presidents in that state is like plopping an anti-gay statue in the middle of San Francisco.

And who chose these presidents? I guess you can't really argue with Washington, Lincoln, or Jefferson, but Teddy Roosevelt? Really? You chose to fill the space between the guy who ENDED SLAVERY and the guy who WROTE THE DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE with the guy whose biggest claim to fame is that Teddy Bears are named after him? Are you insane?
What's next? You gonna give Rob Schneider an Oscar for his work in "Deuce Bigelow?"


Middlebrow Answer: The St. Louis Arch
Why are we putting a massive croquet wicket in the middle of our country? I thought the goal was to break away from English culture, not further recognize it. And calling it the Gateway to the West is a bit of a stretch. I should start calling my bedroom door the "Gateway to the Pleasure Dome."

You do have to appreciate the aesthetic here. It's simple, it's visible, and it's impressive. Sort of like Ron Jeremy's penis. And I think we can all agree that THAT is certainly an American treasure.


Highbrow Answer: The Statue of Liberty
Does anybody else think that the Statue of Liberty is kinda hot? Look at those boobs. And that tunic is pretty cute. I'd do her, if only I were a lot taller and made of metal. This statue is in a pretty amazing spot as well. She looks out over the Atlantic Ocean, vigilantly watching for tired, poor, huddled masses, and Godzilla attacks.

The Statue of Liberty is radical. She embodies the ideals on which this country was built, which are pretty highbrow. You can't really argue with the Declaration of Independence as an ultimately baddass document. We basically told King George to fuck off and then listed all the reasons why he was an idiot. Oh America. You used to be so delightfully eloquent when you were pissed off. Now you just dump a load of bombs and move on. *sigh*