Lowbrow Answer: Twelfth Night My god, this play is annoying. I'm all for suspension of disbelief, but this shit where a girl is playing a boy and nobody can tell the difference is frustrating. Hey, everybody, that "guy" has boobs and no facial hair. And when the characters sneak to the edge of the stage to tell somebody a secret, WE CAN ALL HEAR YOU. Come on, Shakespeare. Couldn't you at least have them left the room?
And what's with everybody falling in love with everybody else? Did somebody spike the punch with pheromones or something? The cast of this play is like a group of teenagers on Ecstasy at a rave; everyone is horny and making out with each other and nobody really knows why.
Middlebrow Answer: Romeo and JulietMercutio is the best fictional character ever created. He's the kind of dude that you want on your rugby team or standing behind you if some meat-head is about to kick your ass. He also delivers the best line in the play and gets to die epically. I would have a huge crush on him if I weren't so concerned with trying to BE him.
This play does have its problems, though. Romeo meets Juliet at a party and then falls in love. Boom. Just like that. I'm sorry, but I've met a bunch of great girls at parties and I've never just fallen in love with them. Come on, Romeo. You've got to slow down a bit. What if you get Juliet home and discover that her walls are covered in John Mayor posters and her favorite movie is "Must Love Dogs?"
Highbrow Answer: Titus AndronicusThis shit is crazy. Tongues get cut out, people get baked into pies, arabs are buried in sand and left to starve, and everyone is dead at the end. It's basically "Silence of the Lambs" set in 1590.
The most epic character is Lavinia, who basically spends the whole play getting shit on. First she is raped, then her hands are cut off and her tongue is removed by the douchebags who raped her, and then her own father snaps her neck. How cheerful. Maybe Disney should do an animated version for next Christmas. We could call it, "Eat Your Heart Out," and each of Lavinia's stumps could have a little mouth and play the comical supporting characters.
You've missed the point of Romeo & Juliet. They both fall in love instantly - it's about the impulsive and irrational nature of young love. Let me know when you have some time - I'll teach you all about it.
ReplyDeleteWhat about Julius Caesar? I watched the black-and-white version when I was eight and even at that tender age I was like "Whoa. This is some shit."
ReplyDeletePlus James Mason was in it. I mean, come on.
The very butcher of a silk button
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