Best Way to Chat Online?

Lowbrow Answer: Facebook Chat
Wait, Facebook has a chat feature? When the hell did this happen? And whose dumb idea was it? One day I'm on there checking out bikini photos of this hot girl I knew in high school, and then suddenly I'm getting messages from some douchebag I went to soccer camp with twelve years ago. Facebook chat is like having FedEx deliver four beagle puppies to your doorstep that you didn't order. Sure, they're cute, but I didn't sign up for this shit.

As if Facebook weren't already encouraging enough to stalkers, now you can chat with the girl whose pictures you're saving on your hard drive? The next step will be a feature that lets you digitally drop a roofie into somebody's drink.


Middlebrow Answer: G-Chat
Does anybody else feel like only smart people have Gmail accounts? Like all the morons of the world are still using Hotmail or Yahoo? G-chat is unobtrusive and doesn't come with annoying sound effects. Plus the whole thing is linked into your email, which is a bonus. It's like having a car that also makes Pizza.

Although, I can't help but feel like "G-chatting" is something rappers do. Kinda like "pimp-slapping" or "Crip-walking." Maybe I should stick more to white people activities, like polo-playing, dinner-party-having, or minorities-oppressing.


Highbrow Answer: AIM
The only way people are going to find you on this bad boy is if you give them your screename. And even then it can be tricky. I'll be forever grateful to AIM for allowing me and my friends to be known as things like "KoolDudeSoccer," "PearlJamAcolyte32," and "HotGirlKisser74" for many of our formative middle school years.

Plus, check out the logo. It looks like a Keith Haring doodle. Nothing like switching on your favorite piece of software and being greeted by a little piece of modern art. Now THAT'S highbrow.