Best Part of the United Kingdom?

Lowbrow Answer: England
Come on, you knew that any country responsible for giving the world the Spice Girls, Cockney accents, and fish-n-chips wasn't going to be very high on the list. And London is one of those cities that's overrun with nothing but tourists and American college kids claiming to be "studying abroad." Sorry, sweetheart, but you should have just rented "Love Actually" and saved your parents the airfare.

And the royal family can suck it. At least in this country, our fake leaders actually go to the office each day and pretend to work. You guys just trot around the world, riding horses with Saudi Arabian princes and playing checkers with Nobel Prize winners. I think Prince William should stop being such a little bitch and get a real job: "Welcome to McDonald's, would you like a Lucozade with your Bangers-and-Mash?"


Middlebrow Answer: Scotland
I'm impressed with any place where men are supposed to be wearing skirts. If you do that here, you get laughed at or hate-crimed. If you do it there, you get laid. And I'm sorry, but your national sport involves throwing telephone poles? And I thought Americans were the only ones overexcited about manliness.

What's the deal with the bagpipes, though. Who invented those things? I feel like the first set must have been made from a bunch of old flutes stuck into a dead cat. I don't deny that they can sound pretty, but you look so ridiculous playing them. It's like some retarded version of the chicken dance where you're just pumping one elbow the whole time.


Highbrow Answer: Wales
First and foremost, the Welsh are responsible for Goldie Lookin' Chain, the best hip-hop group in the history of the planet. They rock a clarinet. Check it out here. Plus look at that flag. No boring St. George's Cross here. No sir. We're putting a crazy red dragon thing on there. Suck on that, Ireland.

This little country also has a town called: Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.

I shit you not. Look it up. Try putting THAT across the front of your son's soccer jersey for away games. Spoken Welsh is fucking highbrow. It sounds like Chinese filtered through a drunken lisp.