Best Fictional Reptile?

Lowbrow Answer: Reptile from Mortal Kombat
Let me get this straight. You serve an evil overlord from a different dimension by fighting in an ultimate death tournament against a bunch of other warriors? I don't get it. Are you paid by the hour? What are the medical benefits like? If I were an evil overlord and you were working for me, I think I'd have you mow my lawn and balance my checkbook way before I'd have you enter a death tournament. That just seems like a waste.

Don't you have any other skills besides ripping dudes' arms off and eating people's skulls? No? My god, you're lowbrow. Listen, man. Why don't you go back to school and get your GED. Then you could trade in your karate outfit for a bus driver's uniform or a janitor's smock.


Middlebrow Answer: Godzilla
He tramples cities, breathes nuclear fire, and he battles other gigantic monsters. He's basically living my dreams every day. And he's got that cool loner thing going on as well. No friends, no family. Just him and the road and the Japanese military. How Kerouac.

Of course, in the end, he always ends up losing to some scientist who figures out a way to send him back down into the ocean. It's like, dude, come on. When you climb out of the ocean, start by eating all the scientists. You see a little guy in a white lab coat running around, grab that bitch and swallow him whole. Then you can relax and enjoy yourself in Tokyo.


Highbrow Answer: The Serpent from the Bible
Talk about salesmanship. This guy convinces two people to do the one thing they're not allowed to do. Literally the one thing. It would be like getting the NRA to lobby for gun control or Hitler to marry Sarah Silverman. And you know he's an educated elite to pull that kind of stunt off right under God's nose.

If you think about it, The Serpent is basically responsible for Original Sin. Now that is highbrow. Just imagine what it's like when he goes back to his high school reunion. Some people have written books, maybe one guy is a senator. And The Serpent? Oh, you know, no big deal, he just caused ORIGINAL SIN. Baddass.