Best Natural Disaster?

Lowbrow Answer: Earthquakes
Should I really be impressed with something that just shakes my house? I could make the same thing happen on my own with a herd of elephants. Or a jackhammer. Oh no. The earth is shaking. Big fucking deal. Make some shit explode and then I'll be impressed. Until then, stop acting like a spoiled two-year-old on a temper tantrum.

And that's the best we could for a name? Just call it what it does? Really? In that case, I've got some new names for things:

1. High School Cheerleader ------------ DaddyMakeSmiler
2. Pornography ------------ BonerBringer
3. Valium------------MommyMakeMoreFunner
4. Male Gynecologist ------------Can'tGetPussyByHimselfer


Middlebrow Answer: Volcanoes
You have to appreciate the aesthetic of these guys. A plume of hot, glowing orange liquid rockets out of the earth and up into the sky. Kinda like when I ejaculate. Volcanoes also usually trigger landslides, mudslides, and ash storms as well. They're combo disasters. It's like getting a hooker who will sleep with you and then clean your house and walk your dog. Not bad.

These are basically the earth just throwing up, and nothing is more lowbrow than throwing up. (see here). Geologists can also predict them pretty accurately, which takes all the fun out of it. What pleasure is there in millions of tons of lava spewing out on the earth if it isn't going to land on anybody because they've all evacuated? Boooring.


Highbrow Answer: Limnic Eruptions
Ever heard of these? I didn't think so. These bad boys occur when large masses of Carbon Dioxide suddenly erupt from deep lake water, which basically suffocates anything in the area. No mess, no explosions, no warnings. Just a silent, invisible, peaceful cloud of death. Man, I'd love for one of these things to happen inside the MTV headquarters on a day when "The Hills" girls are around.

There have only been two Limnic Eruptions in recorded history, which is baddass. They both occurred in the 80's and they both occurred in Africa. They're sort of like the natural disaster version of Bobby Fischer. (look him up, moron.) People aren't really sure if they exist, but every now and then, they show up, fuck you up, and then disappear for a long while. I'd avoid lakes if I were you. Especially if you notice that all the fish are suddenly dead.