Best Casino Game?

Lowbrow Answer: Roulette
How To Play Roulette-
1. Sit down.
2. Place random bets based on blind luck.
3. Wait for man to call out number.
4. Repeat steps 1-3.

Anybody feel like you're playing bingo at a recreation center for senior citizens? Yeah, me too.


Middlebrow Answer: Blackjack
At least there's some math involved in this one. It's also the game at which you have the highest odds of actually beating the house, which is always good. I hate the house. The house is like that mean uncle that everyone has who takes candy from you when you're young and makes you show him your wee-willy-winkie when your parents aren't looking. Creepy bastard.

The problem with blackjack is that it's too rigid. There's this whole set of rules about when you're supposed to hit or stand or double down. And if you break any of those rules, then everybody else at the table gets mad at you. I feel like I'm at work, except the boss is wearing a gold lamay vest and bow-tie instead of a suit. I love card-dealers. They're the only people on the planet besides Catholic bishops who get to wear bright, tacky colors and weird neck garments to work.


Highbrow Answer: Craps
This shit is old school. Dice have been discovered in archaeological sites dating as far back as the third millennium BCE. Suck on that, playing cards. There's something inherently baddass about throwing dice. I don't really know what it is, but it fits in the same category as smoking a roll-up cigarette, wearing a Reservoir Dogs-style suit, kissing somebody in the pouring rain, and walking in slow-motion. Do any one of those four things and I guarantee I'll think you're cool.

Craps is the best because there are odds involved, but it's still random enough that it's fun to try your luck. So you can take advantage of mathematical strategy, but you still have a choice in how you play. Reminds me of trying to convince a police officer not to give you a ticket.