Best Version of Hitler?

Lowbrow Answer: General
You were trying to take over the world, right? Kill everybody who didn't agree with you? How'd that go for you? Oh, you failed? But I thought you were the master race. I thought you were all powerful and unbeatable. Here's a little lesson for next time. Don't fuck with a bunch of people who are bigger than you are. That's like a gazelle walking into a lions' den and picking a fight. Dumbass.

And then, at the end of it all, you hid in a bunker like a little bitch and finally killed yourself? Nice one. Real heroic. I'll see you in hell, you prick. And when I do, I'm going to shit in your pillow.


Middlebrow Answer: Politician
Okay, so you rallied a nation that had been devastated by World War I. And you unified the socialist party to take power. And your speeches were crazy. You sound like some sort of motivational speaker on methamphetamine.

But, come on. Killing everyone who isn't Aryan? Are you insane? That's not really a strong platform to base your campaign on. I didn't study political science or anything, but maybe you should focus more on "I'll lower taxes" or "I'll get you better wages," and less on "I'm a crazy idiot who wants to kill six million people." Know what I mean?

Highbrow Answer: None
I'm sure some of you were expecting me to talk about Hitler as an artist for this one, but I can't. His art blows. His landscapes look like "paint by number" and his portraits are shitty. Which means there really isn't a highbrow version of Hitler. Although, are we really surprised by that? This is the dude that tried to exterminate an entire race of people. He's basically an annoying schoolyard bully, only with Panzer tanks.

I'm sure that there are a ton of arguments that could be made about Hitler being a genius and about his high level of intellectualism. But he lost. He lost the war. So fuck him. You know those people who lose a soccer game and then tell you that it was because they were a little tired and that they could totally beat you if they played you again? I hate those people. Win, or shut the hell up.