Best Form of Poetry?

Lowbrow Answer: Haiku
Have you ever noticed that only one in every forty haiku's even makes sense? It's just seventeen syllables worth of bullshit. You could literally pick out words from the dictionary at random and make Haiku's for a living. Here, I'll show you. Below are three Haiku's. One is a real, published piece, and the other two are just me trying to sound epic. See if you can guess which is which:

1. Coming from the woods
A bull has a lilac sprig
Dangling from a horn

2. A bitter morning:
Sparrows sitting together
Without any necks.

3. A mountain village
Under the piled-up snow
The sound of water.

---Answer Below this line---

Numbers 1 and 2 sound pretty bullshit, eh? Well, guess what. They're all real. Each one of those was a money-earning, fame-creating piece of poetry. Fuck you, Haiku. You're like a pretentious toddler who tries to convince me that the poop in his bedsheets is actually a priceless peace of post-modern art.


Middlebrow Answer: Sonnet
At least there's some real work involved here. You can't just stick seventeen random words in a row and be published. And you're embarking on a form made famous by this random English guy you may know of called Will Shakes-something. I forget his full name but I guess he's pretty good. I heard he wrote plays too, or something.

The problem with sonnets are that all the most famous ones are about love. Ugh. Kill me. "Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?" No, you shan't. Your lover is a slut who's been sleeping around behind your back. Compare her to a community bicycle or an AIDS monkey.


Highbrow Answer: Blank Verse
Most of this shit is so oblique that you can't even tell that it's poetry. And that's the key. If it confuses the proles, it must be highbrow. Just like theoretical physics or Dickensian literature or simple algebra.

Blank verse is beautiful because it eliminates all the rules of other forms of poetry that poets are so intent on keeping in place. You actually have to write some good stuff, rather than relying on rhyming or form to save your ass. I hate poets. Just because you take long pauses in between what you're saying doesn't mean you're a genius. Just tell me how you feel about summer rain. Don't use 56 sets of rhyming quatrain to do it. I have more important places to be, like, anywhere but here listening to you. Jackass.