Best Version of Jet Li?

Lowbrow Answer: American Movie Jet Li
Every movie that Jet Li has done in America blows. Like, literally every one of them. I don't understand how the guy keeps getting work in this country. Think of it this way. If I were a preschool teacher and I cut my students' heads off with a lawn-mower every time they came to class, somehow I doubt I'd keep getting new students. See what I'm saying?

What's amazing about Jet Li's American films is that they're all the same. It's always one rogue prisoner/detective/immortal being against everybody else in a fight to save his family/girlfriend/life/dog. You may have seen one of them. They're all called "Romeo Must Die When He Kisses The One Dragon While Rising To Honor in War."


Middlebrow Answer: French Movie Jet Li
Say what you will about the French, but leave Luc Besson out of it. The dude is responsible for some of the most badass movies of the last fifteen years, including "The Professional," "The Fifth Element," and "Taken." If you don't love all three of those films, do a quick check: I think your balls are missing. Besson also wrote the script for "Danny the Dog," which stars our boy Jet as a slave fighter who goes nuts and kills everything in sight when you remove his collar. Heavy.

"Danny the Dog" also sees Li do some acting against Morgan Freeman and Bob Hoskins, which is no small task. Acting in a scene with Freeman must be something like fellating Lexington Steele's bone-machine: It's hard, it's famous, and it's black. Of course, Li fails to earn true highbrow status when you start to notice that all his scenes involve him ripping peoples' faces off with his bare hands.


Highbrow Answer: Chinese Movie Jet Li
I don't know if you're aware of this, but apparently Jet Li speaks Chinese. Fluently. Who knew?! The next thing you'll tell me is that he's doing all of his own stunts in these movies. Ha, ha, ha. See what I did there? It's funny because he DOES actually do his own stunts. Get it?

Li's work in Chinese is awesome. I highly recommend "The Warlords," which sees him leading an epic army around China in 1860, destroying everything he can get his hands on. Reminds me of when I masturbate to "Braveheart." Jet Li is like a more smoldering version of Mel Gibson, except he isn't covered in blue face paint and his eyes are thinner.