Best Night of the Week to go out?

Lowbrow Answer: Friday
Kill me. Hordes of coked-out twentysomethings charging out of the workplace and right into a nightclub so they can drink till they're sick and then go home with a douchbag fratboy and fuck till they're herpe'd. And all while spending $17 on every cocktail. Hey, sweetheart. Why not go to the corner store, drink a Forty, and then fuck a hobo. It'd be the same experience you're having now, only $50 cheaper. And the hobo would actually be nice to you the next morning.

The worst part about Friday is that the only thing you can really do is go to a club or a bar. It's too late for a movie, no sports teams are playing, and you haven't left town yet. So every idiot in the city is standing in line at the same five hotspots. Awesome. Just what I want to do after working a mind-numbing job all day with people I don't like; stand in a mind-numbing line all night with people I don't like.


Middlebrow Answer: Thursday
This is only slightly better than Friday. The fact that people have work the next day helps to serve as a seatbelt for the really raucus stuff. Usually you end up actually having a conversation with somebody. How exciting. Of course, the evening is inevitably ruined by the douchebags who see Thursday less as a chance to enjoy a low-key start to the weekend and more as a chance to drink twelve shots of Patron and date rape college juniors.

Thursday is great because you're buzzing on anticipation for the weekend. It's like, you ever notice how the day before Christmas is better than Christmas itself? All the presents are under the tree, Santa is on his way, your Uncle Dave isn't drunk and hitting on your mom yet. December 24th is the best day of the year, just like Thursday is the best night of the week.



Highbrow Answer: Tuesday

But wait. Nobody goes out on Tuesday night.

Exactly.

Just about the only thing happening on Tuesday nights are chess clubs or library readings, both of which give me an intelliboner. The last thing I want do to with what little time I give myself away from my studies of the Protestant Work Ethic is rub up against legions of drunken blonde chicks in some dank nightclub that charges me $40 to get in. I'm pretty sure that's what hell will be like, why would I want to do it while I'm still here on earth?